Category Archives: Marriage

“A Dishwasher Saved Her Marriage”

Posted on October 23, 2017 by katesurfs

Right now, my husband is out surfing, while the dishwasher is doing its magic.

But, it hasn’t always been so magical. A couple years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about my domestic woes. The biggest of all was the dishes… The.damn.dishes. I cook a lot. We had no dishwasher, and my husband worked long hard days and would come home utterly exhausted. I was often the only person who washed the dishes for weeks, sometimes months on end. It was really getting me down. I was feeling resentful. I did everything I could to cut down on dirty dishes, including making the kids share plates if I made them something like toast. I tried paper plates in emergencies. I even tried turning the dishes into a sort of meditation… But, in reality, I felt like a slave in my own home. The dishes had become the bane of my existence, I told her. Read the rest of this entry →

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The Honest Reason Why Your Husband Needs a High Five For Accomplishing Stuff Around the House

Posted on April 6, 2017 by katesurfs

Yes, I’m going to make generalizations here and I’m going to stereotype. Yes, I do realize that this is not the 1950’s. But, there is a legitimate reason why your husband, or any man in your life, is looking for praise when he does something around the house.

It’s not because he’s lazy. It’s not because he wasn’t trained properly. (Debatable)

It’s because a man needs to have his ego pampered.

I know, I know, the feminists out there are rolling their eyes and possibly getting sick to their stomachs. But, it’s entirely true.

I used to get confused when my husband would announce that he’d taken the garbage out AND grabbed the laundry off the line before the rain. Like… seriously??? Why did he feel the need to tell me what he had accomplished?! Because, dude, I took the garbage out and grabbed the laundry off the line before the rain while I simultaneously cooked dinner, answered a spelling question, wiped a butt, fed the baby, and danced around holding in my pee! And, YOU want a pat on the back for doing some uninterrupted chores?!?!

It used to make me so confused and a smidgen angry…

But, now I know… men need their work to be acknowledged. In and out of the house, men NEED to feel useful and important. They need to feel like they’re clever and strong. An ego is that sense of ‘I am’…. and a man needs to have that feeling of ‘I am of GREAT use‘!!!

When a man doesn’t feel special, he gets deflated quickly. He starts moping around and gets unmotivated. He gets grumpy and lazy, and it’s a downward spiral, because the more deflated he gets, the less he does and the more his wife (or whoever) starts letting him know he’s grumpy and/or lazy (I’m raising my hand here: guilty).

So, next time your man puts away the laundry, or wrestles with the dishes, or the kids, or changes the lightbulb that you’ve been bugging him to fix for a week or year. Tell him THANKS! Tell him he’s clever and useful. Tell him you couldn’t have done it without him! (Even though of course you could have, and you could have done it without having to ask him 18 times). Hide those eye rolls the next time he announces that he took garbage bins out to the street! He really needs your help to feel special. Give him a high five and pat on the back. He needs it. It’s his nature. And he’ll be much happier if you occasionally pat his ego.

You’re welcome.

(The hilarious video below was inspiration for this post).

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Relationship Advice from A Great Spiritual Guru

Posted on February 14, 2016 by katesurfs

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, is celibate… yet people ask him ALL the time for relationship advice.

Being in a relationship can be a lot for some people, especially if it is your first one. It isn’t impossible though, otherwise, everyone in the world would be single. I remember when I was starting to date and decided to put myself out there more than I would, a friend of mine recommended I check out the top 50 relationship blogs list, as I was sort of clueless on the idea of a relationship. It was quite daunting, but the more dates I went on and the more I started being myself, the easier it all became. Years later, I met my husband and we now have a child together! When you’re dating, these are not things you really think about, but it is what you may want in the future. I needed some guidance to get me to where I am today and it’s not embarrassing if you need some help too. For you, it could be the voice of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

In many public talks, I’ve heard him give the following pieces of advice for couples. Of course, these are my words, not his verbatim, but this is the gist of what he’s always said.

Advice for a woman: Never step on the ego of a man. Yes, he may be acting incompetent, but don’t EVER let him know it. If you make a man feel like he’s not important, he becomes miserable. Always try to make him feel he’s doing a great job. If he is doing something really stupid, don’t ever tell him he’s hopeless. Instead, tell him in some other way to point “Oh, you do such a good job, just nobody sees it.” This point is REALLY hard for women. Yes, I know, believe me. Us women are the first ones to jump down a man’s throat when he’s not doing well at something. So, tame it ladies. Make your man feel special. He will blossom more that way. And, even if he doesn’t blossom, at least he will feel important in your eyes.

Advice for a man: Never squash the emotions of a woman. Don’t blow off her feelings. If she asks to go for a massage, to get her hair done, or to go for a silent meditation retreat because she feels like she needs to be taken care of, give her your credit card. For real. I’ve heard him say that. And, the times when my husband has supported me to do whatever I need to in order to take care of my emotional needs (could be physical to support the emotional) I really appreciate it and I become a much better wife.

Your relationship should be like railroad tracks. The tracks are not focused on each other. They run continuously, in the same direction. Work towards a common goal. If the focus in the relationship becomes too much on each other, then the relationship is doomed. Like, if the railroad tracks cross, you get a train wreck. I’ve experienced this with a relationship, where all we did was focus on each other, and man, that relationship was terrible! Did not last!

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The Difference Between Love and Lust

Posted on June 28, 2014 by katesurfs

I CAN NOT believe I’m writing a post on sex! But, I just have to because I’ve been working at a high school for the past few weeks and the topic of sex has come up more than once. Teenagers (and people of all ages really) can be OBSESSED with thinking about sex. That’s why so many of them on are always viewing content from sources such as tube v sex in their personal time. Not so much love, but SEX! A colleague and I were talking about how teenagers must always be thinking about it and it reminded me that… yeah… um… I was probably thinking about sex all day long too when I was that age! No wonder many people go online For perfect pussy porn go and visit nu-bay.com. Plus, there’s been this big story in the news about a mistress and a man who killed his own wife over a love affair… Read the rest of this entry →

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No Fighting in Front of the Kids

Posted on June 10, 2014 by katesurfs

Tonight, my husband and I had a good loooong fight/get-all-out session. The kids were asleep. It was probably forty-five minutes of us rambling on to each about our disagreements. By the end, we had come up with some really good solutions and it was a huge relief that we took the time to sit down and duke it out.

But, my number one rule is that WE WILL NOT do battles in front of the children. ABSOLUTELY will not. I’m not saying we’re perfect. It’s not always easy to stop an argument in the heat of the moment, but we do our best to can it and save it for later. We’ve certainly said a few things to each other in front of the children, that we shouldn’t have. And, that’s just life. But, we both know the rule: there will be no knock-down-drag-em-out battles happening in front of the kids. End of story.

I know, I know… people will say, “But, fighting is just part of life, they need to get used to it.” Well, fighting may be part of life, but my kids can get their dose of fighting from somewhere else. They don’t need to get it from home. Home is the place where they need to feel safe and protected and loved. Fighting is scary and may not be easily understood by children. Young children are still learning and their interpretation of the world around them is still developing. There are certain things that kids just don’t need to be exposed to, and I believe that fighting is one of them.

(On a side note, one great thing about waiting to do battle is that you’re usually coming from a much calmer space and you can talk more rationally because you’re not in the height of your anger. Everything that needs to come out will come out, but in a much more civil manner, so really, it works out better for us in the long run when we do wait.)

So… hard as it may be sometimes because we’re both REALLY REALLY fiery people who need to ‘get things out now’… we wait for it. There will come a time and place when my kids will have to learn about fighting and getting into arguments with the people they love. In the meantime, they can learn from us about skillful negotiation and unconditional love and can enjoy a peaceful household.

*to clarify, when I say fighting, I’m talking about the big ones… not just the daily disagreements that you would skillfully work through with negotiation.*

Disclaimer: If you or your partner are fighting all the time and can’t stop fighting in front of the children, but want to, please consider seeing a professional marriage counselor or find someone to help.

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Posted in Marriage, Parenting and tagged always fighting in front of the kids, is it ok to fight in front of the kids, will fighting in front of the kids cause them to be upset. Bookmark the permalink.

Please Take a Moment to Openly Brag About Your Husband

Posted on March 11, 2014 by katesurfs

All that was on my mind tonight, was giving the kids a tub, brushing their teeth and putting them to bed. But, my husband, had better plans and yelled out, “Let’s go watch the circus!!” My husband is 18 years older than me, and has more energy and enthusiasm than a teenager… True story.

*Cringe* I didn’t want to go… it was late, the kids were tired, and we had already been to the circus TWO TIMES during the weekend! But, this was no ordinary circus, you see. It was an awesomely entertaining acrobatic circus, it was free and it was 5 minutes from our house. Before I even had a chance to voice my opinions about bedtime, the kids yelled out “YAY!!! Let’s GO!!!” We decided that I would stay home. They would have more fun without me, I would have just been grumpy. So, I stayed home, did the dishes, washed the floor and enjoyed an hour or so of peace and quiet. Yes, I said “enjoyed“… tell me you don’t know the feeling of sitting in your very own clean house, even if it only lasts for a few minutes, before total destruction happens (again).

As I was sitting there, enjoying my peace and quiet, I *nearly* posted a comment on Facebook, saying something about how awesomely energetic my husband is when… I thought twice. I better not. Don’t want to offend anyone… Wait what?!?!

I face-brag about everything else! So, why did I hesitate to say something about how awesome my husband is for taking his kids out to have a fun time?

Yes, I know there are plenty of deadbeat dads and husbands out there. And, the internet is FULL of rants against them. But, for every deadbeat guy, I have to believe that there are dozens of awesome ones out there. But how come we rarely hear about them? Guys who won’t complain about a messy house. Guys that mischievously wind the kids up before bed at the risk of getting yelled at by their wives (they just want to have fun!). Ones that tell you it doesn’t matter if you hair hasn’t been brushed or your legs haven’t been shaved or that your shirt is too wrinkly (true story). And, guys that go out shopping with their daughters and magically come home with matching purple tutus (another true story). I know that my husband is not the only one… right?

Words have power and intention behind them. Really! So, which way do we want our energy to flow? I know it’s fun to bitch and moan. And, sometimes women complain about the man in their lives because they are sincerely looking for support and help. Sometimes, there truly is an issue, and that should not be overlooked. But, too often, we find it so easy to complain about small things. Can’t we also say positive things when our husbands do something awesome? Can we *openly* say that our husbands are the best, without feeling bad for bragging?

So, I want to hear it. I want to hear more good things about husbands or partners. If I was holding back from saying something nice about my husband, then I know other people are doing the same! Please, for your husband’s sake and for your own, don’t by shy! Let everyone know how awesome they are! Even if they’re not awesome all the time… surely they have something positive going on? And, if you keep saying they’re awesome, who knows, maybe one day, they really will be awesome 😉

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Posted in Life, Marriage and tagged is it ok to brag about your husband, saying nice things about guys is ok, Stand up for your man. Bookmark the permalink.

Five Year Aussie-versary. And, I’m Just Getting Used to Vegemite

Posted on May 17, 2013 by katesurfs

The flight

Five years ago today, Art and I first stepped foot onto Australian soil. With us, we had 4 suitcases, 5 surfboards and as much carry on baggage as they would allow on the plane. We left EVERYTHING behind. Actually, we still have a storage shed full of crap sitting in Berlin, Maryland, if anyone wants to go rummaging around. The storage shed is full stuff that we frantically packed away as we ran out of time getting ready for our over seas voyage. I was planning on doing a year of university to get my Masters of Education so that I could become a teacher. Art was coming for the ride and we weren’t exactly sure about his plan, but he wasn’t going to stay behind in Maryland USA all by himself! Looking back, it was probably the scariest, riskiest and stupidest thing we’ve ever done in our lives!!!! Drop everything and move all the way across the world!?! Yes, we were indeed crazy! Read the rest of this entry →

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Posted in Art of Living Foundation, Attachment Parenting, Baby, Children, Life, Marriage, Pregnancy, Surfing, Travel and tagged five years in Australia, leaving everything behind, moving to Australia from America. Bookmark the permalink.

A Wedding Anniversary! On Our DIY Wedding

Posted on January 20, 2013 by katesurfs

DIY ‘The Kiss’ shot

I was told by several people who came to our wedding that it was one of the best weddings ever! To me, who had only ever been to two weddings in my entire life, I felt like I had nothing to compare it to, so it seemed pretty ordinary to me! I kept it simple. Everything went smoothly and so gracefully and even… peacefully… yes, PEACEFULNESS at a wedding! Can you believe it!?

The preparation… all done in house! And look at me… big as a HOUSE!

I organised the wedding myself (except for some awesome help from our marriage celebrant who wrote the script and gave me ideas for what I wanted her to say). We spent about $1500 total on the entire wedding! Including $300 for a handmade dress, even though it would have been nice to have a dress from somewhere like https://www.winniecouture.com/, but I loved my homemade dress. That $1,500 included some of the flowers, earrings, a shirt for Art, the marriage celebrant, wedding cake, hairfdresser. We had over 30 people come to the ceremony. Twenty eight of them came afterwards to the ‘reception’ (reception was a huge table booked at our favorite sushi restaurant O’Sushi, a short walk from where we got married at Greenmount beach). I did my own make up and nails (yes, can you believe I actually had make up on!). Oh, did I forget to mention that I was 7 1/2 months pregnant! Probably part of the reason why I felt so hot!

The DIY Dress

The dress had to be hand made because I couldn’t find a pregnancy one in the shops and I was HUGE. I didn’t want to order one online and I wanted to it to be made from cotton because,,, um… hello… beach wedding… who wants to wear polyester to the beach in the middle of summer?!

The DIY Photos

Looking back, this is the one thing I would change about our wedding. I would have loved to get “proper” Charlottesville wedding photography because then the photos that we show our friends would be professionally shot and set up… But I still think we did pretty good with what we had! We had all of our friends take the photos (kudos to Darren for supply the awesome fire dancing shot). He’s into street photography and used to be a photojournalist for the Washington Post and Baltimore Sun. He is anti-cheesy-posed photos of any kind! Candid shots are his most prized photos and I have to admit, I’ve converted to an anti-posed photo snob myself. If you want to hire a professional photographer, Get in touch with the leading wedding photographer Olga Topchii, or, you can DIY like we did!

See my basket of frangipanis!

The Mostly DIY Flowers and Cake

I wanted my favorite flowers, frangipanis (plumeria) for the wedding, but the florists don’t sell those kinds of flowers…. they don’t keep well. So, I sent out an email to all of my friends to see who would go frangipani hunting for me on the day of my wedding. A woman whom I worked with was happy to find them for me and brought a big basket to the ceremony, full of my most favorite fragrant flowers. Later I found out that she had to do some serious hunting for them because the weather was too dry that summer and there weren’t many around. I heard that she even got yelled at by some man for taking the flowers off his tree! Oops! The bouquet, orchids for my hair, and Art’s flower thing on his shirt (I know that has a name…) we bought from the florist. The cake, I had ordered from a Hare Krishna restaurant. Not specifying that it was a wedding cake. And, then we ate our cake on the beach straight after the ceremony, that way no one would miss out!

Here comes the bride… around Kirra point.

The rings we bought for total less than $40 and were really just for the ceremony… You see… I did a lot of research about wedding rings beforehand. I thought I wanted to wear them, but there were three main reasons why we decided to just buy cheapy ones.

Three Reasons Why I Don’t Wear a Wedding Ring

Reason #1 Ethics: We’ve all heard of ‘blood diamonds’… well you should have, and if you haven’t, now you have. There are several places where diamonds are mined. Some come from Canada, and are mined on land that once belonged to indigenous Canadian people. The aboriginal communities there are in a constant power struggle with the diamond mining companies. Some diamonds come from Africa, where bloodshed and war mars the diamond trade industry. However, you can buy manufactured ones with recycled metals… but by the time I did my research, I was over the whole ring thing. However, if you’re looking for a ring, recycled ones are great. Not only do they help the environment, but they also normally support small businesses. These small businesses normally source discarded metals from landfill sites, for example, and turn them into new pieces of jewelry by using a number of welding techniques to join the metals together. Most welders prefer die grinding different metals together to create a flawless finish on the ring, however, some might use different techniques.

Reason #2 Environment: any mining at all, diamond, metal, etc.is putting a scar on the earth’s surface and polluting Earth’s natural resources. I feel bad now that I even bought the cheapy ones and I also feel bad that so many precious metals are used in electronics, even the computer I’m typing on now! Ugh! Well, we can only do our best and reduce what we use, as much as we can…

Reason #3 Work Place Health and Safety: A long long time ago, I was dating a guy in the Navy. Before 9/11, I was allowed to go on his ship if they were in port. They had this sign on the wall with a picture of this guy’s hand, who had been wearing his wedding ring and had had an accident… it said… ‘And, then there were four‘. Gross! Ok, enough, won’t go on anymore about why I don’t want to wear a wedding ring! I love how they look… but I guess they’re just not for me.

Back to the DIY wedding… The dinner was pre-ordered vegetarian sushi platters and water… we forced 28 people to eat a vegetarian dinner! Bwahaha! No alcohol because we don’t drink. In lieu of wedding presents, I just asked that if people felt inclined to bring something, that they could just bring something for the baby, cause I wasn’t going to have a baby shower.

Best photo ever!!! After the ceremony and before the reception, a little entertainment, with a drum and a big gong!

It was a friend’s idea to have fire twirlers for after the ceremony as her wedding gift. It really added to the magical-ness. Fire and drumming and the beach. Oh yes, very cool indeed. By the way, the ‘venue’, the beach… was free, just had to give the city council a head’s up!

It was all done a little different to the usual wedding, but not really. It was perfect and only a little unusual all at the same time. Everything came together and after only 3 weeks of planning, I was pretty proud of myself for pulling it off. Orginally, I thought we would have just gone to the court house, but when we found that the celebrant cost the same, we decided to go for a ‘real’ wedding.

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Posted in Art of Living Foundation, Baby, Health and Beauty, Life, Marriage, Pregnancy and tagged cheap wedding ideas, DIY wedding, environmental impacts of wedding rings, ethics of wedding rings, meditation, organizing your own wedding, pregnancy wedding dress, Pregnant bride, pregnant during a wedding. Bookmark the permalink.

The Truth Comes Out: ‘I Hate Doing the Dishes!’, He Says.

Posted on September 18, 2012 by katesurfs

It doesn’t LOOK like you hate doing the dishes, honey.

I didn’t cook much today, except dinner. But, somehow, just before I went to go put the girls to bed, I realized there was a mountain of dishes next to the sink! Where did those come from, I wondered? Where is that dishwashing fairy, I asked Art… He said, ‘I don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t know any dishwashing fairies’. Waah waah… We don’t have a dishwasher in our place… I guess that means I’m doing the dishes tonight. Read the rest of this entry →

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Posted in Life, Marriage, Parenting and tagged dishes humor, family chores, funny marriage, husband chores, marriage, marriage humor. Bookmark the permalink.

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