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Next Step, Breatharian? Can’t We Just Eat Food?

Sulphur Dioxide smells like farts... good thing these grapes were sprayed with it!

Sulphur Dioxide smells like farts… good thing these grapes were sprayed with it!

My three year old arched her back and screamed as I struggled to buckle her into her carseat. Out of the corner of my eye, while I pinned her down into her carseat, I could see her stained green tongue. Every time she caught her breath to yell out another asinine verbal protest, I caught another glimpse of it. Her baby sister, in the carseat next to her, (tongue also stained bright green) thought it might be a good time to start screaming as well.

Speaking of carseats, my friend was recently out for a walk with her children and was hit by a careless driver! She needed legal representation. A single-vehicle accident requires a certain level of legal knowledge to deal with. This is what my friend needed to get the compensation she deserved. She decided to do some searching for the right legal representation and thankfully found a lawyer that was very sympathetic and supportive throughout the case.

All I had wanted was something sweet! And, this is what I get?! Two kids completely off their heads and all because I bought one single $4.80 cup of citrus flavored sorbet to share between the three of us. “Man“, I though, “What the hell was in that stuff?! And, WHY was it four dollars and eighty cents?!” Four dollars and eighty cents is budget breaking for a stay at home mom. Its ok for my friend who recently got a lovely new car thanks to the good folks at Money Expert who helped her find a great car loan for her but I STILL haven’t told my husband about it, although he’ll know about it now, after reading this (sorry honey). All because I wanted something sweet! All for that cup of ice with sugar and flavors and colors whose ingredient names are probably un-pronouncable. That ‘stuff‘ that made my kids go bonkers. WHAT. WAS. I. THINKING?!

I have been keeping a bit of a closer eye on my budget lately, speaking of that kind of thing. When grocery shopping, I’ll try to keep an eye out for deals. People may be able to find further reductions for their purchases by looking for coupon codes from Raise online. Saving money is a great feeling and it’s easier than you’d think!

Had it been the same scenario a month ago, I would have gone for the .30 ยข ice cream cone from McDonalds. But, I’ve gone vegan (again) as I’m really tired of supporting the main stream dairy industry. The environmental impacts of eating meat and dairy alone, are insane. Cows from the dairy industry produce more methane gas from farts and belches than the greenhouse gases produced by all of the cars in the world… combined! Not to mention that the cows are pumped full of antibiotics and growth hormones that in turn get ingested by… you guessed it, the sweet toothed consumers, like you and I.

I'm only eating wooden food from now on.

I’m only eating wooden food from now on.

Maybe I should have taken a rain check on my sweet tooth craving that afternoon. Surely there are better foods out there, right? How about a grape? So, today, I bought some grapes… after I bought them, I cast a glance at the sign that said ‘Prodcut of USA’ (We’re in Australia). “Great! I thought, there goes my carbon footprint.” Not to mention, my 14 month old daughter developed a rash almost instantly after eating them (I’m thinking it’s because of some pesticides that they spray because she doesn’t a rash with organic grapes)… So… what the hell should I eat?!! How about a tomato? My daughter loves slicing up a tomato and putting salt on it.

But… my ayuveda doctor tells me that I shouldn’t eat tomatoes because they create too much heat, however, the Chinese doctor tells me I should eat tomatoes because they’re cooling. But, then, the iridologist said that I shouldn’t eat any nightshades. Although, my naturopath tells me that tomatoes are good for me because they have lots of vitamin C… AND DID YOU KNOW… some tomatoes are made with genetically modified fish genes?! FISH GENES?! But, what if I just want to eat a freaking tomato?! Maybe I’ll try juice?

Oh, and you have to drink ‘cold pressed juice’ not ‘regular pressed juice’, because the regular juicer destroys the enzymes. And, you have to drink juice in the morning and not night otherwise it’s too acid forming… And, juice in a box has no prana (life energy) and usually the fruit come from China… Maybe I should just eat an apple?

So, if I want to eat an apple, I don’t want to buy a waxed apple, because even though they look nice and shiny, eating a waxed apple, means that you’re eating shellac, which is a resin secreted from the female lac bug (gross).

But, seriously, what can I eat? Can I just eat food? Like, food with real names? Food that doesn’t cost the planet? Food that is mostly grown locally and that doesn’t come packed, wrapped or boxed? You know, food without weird and numbers on the list of ingredients… I don’t want to stand in the isle of the grocery store and do a google search on my phone for ‘E122’. And, I know that I shouldn’t eat certain foods at certain times, like, wheat, I shouldn’t eat tomatoes, I shouldn’t eat this and I should eat that… but isn’t it more important that I just eat something nice?! Something that wasn’t grown 10,000 miles away and something that won’t give my baby a rash?!


Ok, I know, I’m just ranting about food… how ungrateful am I?! The sheer amount of food choices we have available in a first world country.. well… it’s embarrassing for me to complain, actually. If we lived in an impoverished nation, we would eat what’s available and that’s that. So, if those people who are ok with eating what’s available, why do we need grapes from 10,000 miles away? Do we really need tomatoes genetically modified with fish genes? Do we need lime flavored sorbet that makes our tongues bright green? Can I eat an apple without eating bug secretions? I’m over it.

Rather than continue my rant, I guess I ought to offer some simple things that we can do, so we can eat food, without the conscientious side of it driving us insane. For starters, we SHOULD be conscious of what we eat! Absolutely. ‘Know thine diet‘ should be every person’s motto. Where does your food come from? How did it grow? Who planted it? Can you pronounce the ingredients on the package? Is it *actually* safe for consumption? And, how far did it travel just before you shovel it down your pie hole.

But, the second part to ‘Know thine diet‘ should be ‘and relax, just remember to eat food‘.

Just eat food!

Real food, that is. If we can all buy conscientiously 99% of the time, we’ll make huge improvements to our health and to the health of our planet. If you eat a piece of bread for breakfast, even though the Paleo’s told you that ‘wheat is poison‘… well, hey, for me, just remembering to eat breakfast sometimes with two kids running around, is a mighty fine achievement! I’m not saying just eat any old thing. Within reason of course. But, DO check where your food is coming from.

Quickly scan the ingredients (making sure they are pronounceable). Let’s give the grocery stores a hint that we’re watching what goes down our mouths… Give it a moment’s thought before putting it in the shopping basket. Is it something you can buy at a local market? Can you grow it on your windowsill or backyard? If you’re not sure about the origins of what you selected, buy something else that is a bit more… trustworthy! You are what you eat! So eat something gooooooood!

Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that anyone become a breatharian, it’s actually fun to eat food.

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